Holding Your Seat — March 17, 2026 — Dharma Talk

There were daffodils on the altar when I gave this talk — narcissus, named after the figure who fell in love with his own reflection in the pond. It turned out to be exactly the right image for what the practice is.

The central metaphor is one I return to often: imagine yourself sitting on the bank of a river. As the body settles, things begin to flow past — thoughts, memories, to-do lists, feelings you didn't know were there. Sometimes a gentle leaf. Sometimes something much harder.

The first real work of practice is simply learning to hold your seat. Not grabbing what comes (figuring this out, fixing this, engaging with this). Not running from what's too hard to face. Just sitting here. Watching.

What develops through this practice, over time, is spaciousness. A gap between what happens and how we respond. It follows us out of the zendo — into conversations where we'd normally snap back, into moments where we'd normally be swept along by old patterns. Suddenly there's a beat more time. A moment to notice. A moment to choose.

I also talk honestly about what the tradition sometimes calls revulsion — that particular agony of watching yourself, with full awareness, do the thing you swore you weren't going to do again. As painful as that is, it's actually what gives birth to real change. The awareness alone isn't enough. It's the accumulated weight of witnessing yourself that finally generates the energy to step outside the pattern.

And the daffodil: rooted, head bent toward the water below. A good model.

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